what do people do with VODKA at a LIBRARY?

so, I’m at the library and a man in a delivery truck is wheeling in a huge case labled “Vodka” wtf?

To all those people who are in such a rush…..

What Check- Out Line Should You Pick:

Choosing a lane.
Pick the one with the fewest people, even if their carts are filled. It will move faster than one with more people but fewer items. Why? California-based mathematician Dan Meyer says it takes about 3 seconds to scan each item, but over a minute per customer for greetings and payment—especially if they’re clueless with the credit card machine.

Facebook people with the most fans…

Lady Gaga– On July 2 – reached 10 million fans on Facebook, making her the first living person to achieve this honor,

President Barack Obama, who has 9.5 million fans, had the most followers for a living person on the leading social networking site until Lady Gaga surpassed him.

Gaga ranks sixth overall for most Facebook fans. According to USA Today, Facebook, the Family Guy, Michael Jackson, Texas Hold ‘Em Poke, and Mafia Wars are the only other entities with more Facebook fans than the pop singer.

The other figurers in the top 10 are

Vin Diesel, ( I can honestly say I have never heard of him)

Barack Obama, (okay, this one is the current president… what exactly is he doing on facebook)

Megan Fox (yeah… her… )

Dr. House (Hugh Laurie)  (I like house… but is he really such a sarcastic asshole in the show as he is in person)

Linkin Park (never liked them.. listened to a song of theirs “ass like that'” didnt like it all that much)

Lil Wayne (him…..)

Cristiano Ronaldo(I’ve never heard of this guy either)

Justin Bieber (ah him…. does anyone wonder why he still sounds like a chick?)

Taylor Swift (Drew looks at meeee… i talk through my songs cause i cant really sing… Romeo save me, I really don’t have any guitar skillsss…) But despite what people may think of taylor, I think she’s a cute singer, I have a lot of her music on my i-tunes. they have some appeal.

You know,  just a little history lesson here :

A castrato (Italian, plural: castrati) is a man with a singing voice equivalent to that of a soprano, mezzo-soprano, or contraltocastration of the singer before puberty or one who, because of an endocrinological condition, never reaches sexual maturity. voice produced either by

Castration before puberty (or in its early stages) prevents a boy’s larynx from being transformed by the normal physiological events of puberty. As a result, the vocal range of prepubescence (shared by both sexes) is largely retained, and the voice develops into adulthood in a unique way. Prepubescent castration for this purpose diminished greatly in the late 1700s and was made illegal in Italy in 1870.

As the castrato’s body grew, his lack of testosterone meant that his epiphyses (bone-joints) did not harden in the normal manner. Thus the limbs of the castrati often grew unusually long, as did the bones of their ribs. This, combined with intensive training, gave them unrivalled lung-power and breath capacity. Operating through small, child-sized vocal cords, their voices were also extraordinarily flexible, and quite different from the equivalent adult female voice, as well as higher vocal ranges of the uncastrated adult male (see soprano, mezzo-soprano, alto, sopranist, countertenor and contralto).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castrato

Never believed in them till i saw it with my own two eyes… lol

Vintage Fortune Teller Postcard

well… mystics… you know, those people that can see the future. Definitely thought those guys were a complete joke before one totally told me “I know you have issues with eating” before I had ever told anyone and I was all ‘holy crap’ in my mind.

How insane some people can be…

The Weatherman

Okay…. your a weather man. if you tell me that there is a hurricane outside, I’m gonna believe you. You dont have to go outside and prove it to me. Really, you dont.  A picture of a tree blowing in the 100 mph wind will be fine. you dont have to go out there and blow away… really, I mean it. You really dont need to get within two miles of a hurricane to impress me.

Black, Red, and Sea Foam Green – my 3 Crayons

Black
Black is for lines, I mean… I cant draw my stick figure in yellow or something and have it look normal. Besides, my hair is black.

Red
Cause it’s my favorite. I love red.

sea – foam Green
eh.. there’s a lot of green in the world. plants and what not. and you can also pass sea foam green of as a blue-ish.

The things some people do….

I’m sitting in the library, listening to my i-tunes on head phones. i started singing. People looked at me. It was totally embarrassing. Now I’m just mouthing the words….

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Do you know they sell uranium on Amazon.com?

http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM

Like… legit uranium. Are we just asking to be blown up?

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Elevator Stupidity

• Getting on an elevator, and pushing the button to a floor that is already lit up.
• Standing way at the back of a crowded elevator when your floor will be the first stop, causing a shuffling of the “mob” each time the elevator stops. .
• Stopping the doors from closing on an elevator so that you can get on, then holding the door open, while still carrying on a conversation with another person who is outside

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Shopping Stupidity

• Able-bodied people who drive around a parking lot for 45 minutes in beautiful weather to get the closest parking spot, regardless of what they are buying. They can’t be in a hurry, because it would be quicker to just park wherever they can, walk for one minute, and be in and out of the store more quickly. That’s my father right there. he wont park in a spot unless its the one in the very front. I think he got into a car accident doing that.

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Telephone Stupidity

Leaving a REALLY LONG outgoing message on the answering machine; i.e., instead of saying “we can’t come to the phone right now, please leave a message”, they say, “You have reached the Jones residence at 555-1212. James, Cathy, Jimmy and Lisa are currently either out of the house, on the other line, or otherwise indisposed at the moment. If you would be so kind as to leave your name, number, the time you are calling, and what time you would like us to call you back, we will return your call as soon as it is possible. Have a lovely day, and may all your days be bright and shiny ones” (followed by 30 seconds or more of sickening elevator music).

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Curling Iron Stupidity:
So… I have a curling iron, right? I have no idea why i bought it. It was a waste of twenty bucks! i swear… I burned my forehead on it the first time i used it and now it just sits, plugged into the bathroom wall, waiting to electrocute someone…. I like the soft rollers that you can sleep in. They’re easier to obtain curly hair with.But on this thing it says… “For external use only!” What do they expect me to do? Use it to masturbate with… actually. But legit, I’m not gonna eat it or try and curl my tongue or anything… Also on the label… “Do not use while in shower…” See… it warns me not to electrocute myself. Also… “Warning! this product can burn eyes.” I think i found that out the hard way. And lastly… “Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.” How is that even possible???

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Deodorant Stupidity:

I have one of those ones that you spray. It says “Do not use this product in eyes.” Hey, my eyes smell bad all the time… you mean I cant de oderize them??????

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Toy/ House-hold Item Stupidity:

kids… house… there’s a lot in this category…

On a Frisbee: Warning! This product may contain small parts. Not suitable for usage by children under 5 years of age…. on a frisbee…

On my printer ink: Do not ingest. This is not a food product…. Cause that ink cartridge looks sooooo tasty….

A card sent by family: Happy First Birthday!!! (tiny message in corner) not suitable for children under 2 yeas of age.

On a package of knives: Caution! Knives are sharp… I never would have guessed.

On tiny baby’s stroller: For small infants only. No not store and/or fold without removing infant. Nah… I’ll toss it in the trunk with tiny baby still in it.

On a small rubber ball: This is a toy! Not intended for use by children…. so, it’s an adult toy, should I use it to please myself?

On peanuts: Caution! This product may contain nuts. Do not ingest if allergic…. What? A peanut has nuts in it?

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And this one I found on the internet”

http://failblog.org/2009/03/30/washing-instructions-fail/

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🙂 Leave Comments!!!!

The real names of fake people!!! (With my comments)

You know the characters, but you might not know their full names. Store these away for future trivia nights.

http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/57704.html

1. Did you know the Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons has a name? It’s Jeff Albertson. But that wasn’t the decision of creator Matt Groening. “I was out of the room when [the writers] named him,” he told MTV in 2007. “In my mind, ‘Louis Lane’ was his name, and he was obsessed and tormented by Lois Lane.” (yeah… he’s better of as the comic book guy… i mean… Jeff… Louis… where are these people’s sense of creativity)

2. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. (Ken’s last name is Carson.) (they wouldnt play with her if she was called a Barbra Millicent Roberts dolls… I mean… I have a barbie doll. Rolls of the tongue. I have a Barbra Millicent Roberts doll… not so much)

3. Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch (sounds hot. I would do someone with a name like that… oh god, that man is old! Never mind)

4. Snuffleupagus has a first name—Aloysius. (yeah, its as retarded as his last name)

5. In the Peanuts comic strip, Peppermint Patty’s real name is Patricia Reichardt.(okay, if they knew the name wasnt going to fly why didnt they just call her peppermint patty in the first place?)

6. The Wizard of Oz rolls off the tongue a lot easier than his full name, Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. From Frank Baum’s Dorothy And the Wizard in Oz: “It was a dreadfully long name to weigh down a poor innocent child, and one of the hardest lessons I ever learned was to remember my own name. When I grew up I just called myself O.Z., because the other initials were P-I-N-H-E-A-D; and that spelled ‘pinhead,’ which was a reflection on my intelligence.” (yeah…..)

7. Mr. Clean has a seldom-used first name—”Veritably.” The name came from a “Give Mr. Clean a First Name” promotion in 1962. (wow… Mr. clean doesnt look a day over 30… who knew he was so old!)

8. In a deleted scene in the 2006 Curious George movie, The Man With the Yellow Hat’s name was revealed as Ted Shackleford. (Since the scene was deleted, perhaps this doesn’t count.) (when are he and Professor Wiseman gonna hook up and have little kids that are obsessed with colors?)

9. The real name of Monopoly mascot Rich Uncle Pennybags is Milburn Pennybags. (Milburn… Milburn… reminds me of Monty Burns)

10. The policeman in Monopoly has a name, too. You can thank Officer Edgar Mallory the next time he sends you to jail. (yeah… name the guy pennybags and name the other guy something way normal)

11. On Night Court, Nostradamus Shannon was better known as Bull. (who?)

12. On Entourage, Turtle’s real name is Salvatore Assante.(who…)

13. Sesame Street’s resident game show host Guy Smiley was using a pseudonym all these years. He was born Bernie Liederkrantz. ( i could see little kids remembering that — Mommy I saw Bernie Liederkrantz on TV!)

14. The Michelin Man’s name is Bibendum. (yeah… creative huh)

15. On Gilligan’s Island, Jonas Grumby was simply called The Skipper. (okay… )

16. Staying on Gilligan’s Island, The Professor was Roy Hinkley. (if he could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldnt he just build a raft and float of the damn island)

17. The unkempt Shaggy of Scooby-Doo fame has a rather proper real name—Norville Rogers. ( i knew that)

18. The Pillsbury Doughboy’s name is Poppin’ Fresh. He has a wife, Poppie Fresh, and two kids, Popper and Bun Bun. (ooo… dough people sex… that makes me hot just thinking about it)

19. The patient in the classic game Operation is Cavity Sam. (who…)

20. The true identity of The Lone Ranger was John Reid. ( i knew that)

21 & 22. OK, these last two aren’t fictional, but just in case it comes up, Bono was born Paul David Hewson, and The Edge’s name is David Howell Evans. ( 😉 )

Our new pet fish

Now, here are some more crazy facts for you:

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)

2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it)

3. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
a(In my next life I want to be a pig… it might get tiring though… I’m trying to figure out if I want this or not…. a thirty minute orgasm sounds kinda good….. How’d they figure this out, and why? “Hey Mr. Pig, how long do you get of?)

4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (there’s my new hobby when i get locked up in my living hell…)(Still can’t get over that pig thing)

5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn’t seem fair, they arent even getting all hot and happy over it.)

6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmmmmm…….. how many ideas does that give you?)

7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you’re ambidextrous do you split the difference? And btw… I am so right handed. I taught myself how to be left handed though. )

8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of…? Do alcoholic ants really exist?)
(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)

9. Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew….? Who cares? How’d they find out, did they ask them? Oh, and you know planaria, those little worm things, if you slice  em in half they land on the side that their handedness would be or something)

10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes…can you imagine?? And why pigs?)

12. A cockroach will live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death.(Creepy)

13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the….)
(Well, at least pigs get a break there…)

14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (talk about getting it on, what, do they always have a hard on?)
(In my next life I still want to be a pig … quality over quantity)

15. Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, Geez) (That’s almost as bad as catfish)

16. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.
(I know some people like that.)

17. Starfish don’t have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Hey everyone, job markets …. and gimme a chopping block and let me practice my execution now! (like the fifth wife on Henry VIII)

Hey to the … 100 something people that have actually visited this, i dont know how many of you actually read it for more than a day but i like to think that there are tons of people following my every move. LOL.

So… yeah, on my ranting of the job market. one of those 200 places i called actually called me back and offered me a job. Working only saturdays and ocassionally tuesdays. Oh well…. I guess some work is better than no work. I’m going to be working at the air port restoring old planes. Which means I’m probably gonna be stuck scraping mold of a plane… but whatever, it’s what we all strive for, right?

As far as me… well, my  visit to some clear water facility for an entire month is being planned as I type… It sucks. I cant do another month with a tv that shows only Animal Plannet and… other crap that nobody cares about. (Okay, here is what i dont get,  all sexual ideas are strictly prohibited in my mental asylums… yet, here I am, watching two monkeys bang each other like there is no tomorrow, and that isnt inappropriate? I mean, how different is normal human porn from monkey porn? ) anywho, I cant do another month with no hot water, no caffine, no privacy, five minute phone calls and like… mean nurses yelling at me, and waking me up at 3 am to take my vitals and horrible hospital food and… all that other shit that they charge me $800 + a day.  I cant sleep on a pillow made out of plastic. I cant live in a 55 degree enviornment to kill of all the… swine flu or whatever they have. I cant … I cant do it again.   And no… I am not going to just give up into their demands and eat!

As always, leave a comment. Pretty pretty please with two cherries on top!